I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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