My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Terrible idea I love it
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
