1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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