...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
wow bdsm is so cute
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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