his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
