Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
