can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
