I feel like abortions should bother me more
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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