When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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