hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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