There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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