i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
