does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
