going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
