overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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