i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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