This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
