I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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