I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just want nice things and good sex
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
