did you get engaged???
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize