I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
