oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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