No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
