i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So vagazzling was a success
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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