I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Randomize
