I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
