I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
