You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize