I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Are we still banned from the library?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
