the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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