i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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