Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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