Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
