Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
