You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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