Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
