k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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