Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
