the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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