I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize