Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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