umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize