I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
