Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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