I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
