apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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