You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
