I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
