I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
