I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Just high enough for therapy.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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