4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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