the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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