I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
