I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
