i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
