btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
