Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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