When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
