I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
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A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
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We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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